But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
