My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
