Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
