A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
