I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
