Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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