I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
