worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
