I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
