I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
