yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
