I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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