I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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