can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
