Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
