So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
