i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
