He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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