my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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