Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
