it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The Olympian is in my bed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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