And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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