That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
