oh god the rape fog is back!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
