So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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