so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
