why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
