Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
