I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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