you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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