Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
