I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
