Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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