three words: i give head
three words: not that well
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
