i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
