I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
