dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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