If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
