don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
