Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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