My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
