I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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