Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
