I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it because I queefed?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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