you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
