i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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