im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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