So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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