let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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