We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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