At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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