can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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