I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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