THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
