come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
