Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
