my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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