Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
