The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
