Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
