Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
