I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
