Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
