I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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