Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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