I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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