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Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
