God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
