They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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