i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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