sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
