Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
