Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
