so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
