Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're like the curious george of whores
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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