You're my little dorito
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
