moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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