my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
