I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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