Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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