No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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