Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
