my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
