Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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