Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
