Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
God, I missed his penis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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